Lesson 95: Feelings
About the Searcher
How do you build connection? Ten of my classmates sat in a circle for our first session for the class of Interpersonal Dynamics. Little did we know, we would build a strong connection without ever talking about our careers or academic assignments. We built a mutual connection by sharing our feelings.
Our instructors, Britt and Carrie, patiently waited for one of us to speak. Each of us held a laminated handout called the “Vocabulary of Feelings.” This tool helped us cross the canyon of our fears of expressing ourselves:
Source: Adapted by Carole Robin from original work by Hammond, Hepworth Leaders in Tech & Smith, 1978
This class taught me that building connection requires addressing our fears regarding our own feelings. Often, the story I told myself to withhold my feelings was merely a scary shadow of an otherwise harmless reality. It was only by disclosing our feelings with each other were we able to build our mutual connection.
About Entrepreneurship Through Acquisition
Learning to express your emotions strengthens your ability to acquire and grow a great business. If you are not honest about how you feel, then you cannot cross that canyon, like the one I faced when I first sat down in my Interpersonal Dynamics class.
For example, my feelings can deliver more information when discussing acquisition opportunities with my investors. As a traditional searcher, I have a group of investors who partner with me to evaluate these targets. I would share a teaser with them explaining the merits and risks of the business. When discussing the opportunity, it helps to express both what excites me and concerns me about the investment.
The pros might excite me about moving forward and the cons might concern at the same time. Negative and positive feelings do not cancel each other out. David Bradford and Mary Ann Huckabay wrote in an article, “What we need to do is recognize that (+5) & (-5) = (+5) & (-5). That is, people can hold several (apparently opposite) feelings at the same time… Both are real and might be worth expressing.” Similarly when evaluating an acquisition, both the positive and negative aspects coexist at the same time. Moreover, negative feelings can invite my team to think through these concerns, building a stronger connection between us.
About the Bigger Picture
My vision is to leverage my influence as a Black business leader to pursue economic justice. This vision is not shaken by the changing feelings of the day, but if I am going to make progress toward this vision, then I must face my daily fears of expressing myself. Brené Brown describes this as “calling deep on your courage” in her TED Talk. It takes courage to know and honor our feelings. When we stand up for how we feel, we can better connect and pursue a long-term vision, which is greater than a short-term fear.
This is Lesson 95: Feelings. Next week is Lesson 96: Truth.
